Sunday, February 20, 2011
He drove his big lazy car slowly down the highway. He was lost again, of course. So many avenues to explore and willfully he always chose the ones that lead to dead ends.
He made a deliberate turn into familiar territory…the winding tunnel of love…trying to go back to find an exit that would lead him to some kind of salvation. But he kept moving backwards…back to old roads he’d ignored…back to old roads he’d crashed on…backwards as if somehow going back would lead him forward. Luckily he still had a fair amount of gas in the big car’s tank and a pair of rose colored glasses to illuminate the journey.
The exits were all marked “wrong way, do not attempt to re-enter” and he dutifully kept driving looking for a welcoming one. He blew rueful kisses at the yellow brick road that splintered off into four or five branches snaking into the greater Los Angeles area. He sang plaintive tunes down the blue road that shimmered in a mist illuminated by a lone blue star.
He paused at the exit…boarded up with a single white rose taped to its sign…that led to the road that followed the train tracks up the coast to what seemed to be a verdant valley. He looked longingly at the exits that led to the desert…led to the sea…led to the mesa where he’d fucked up and fouled out, hiding like a scared child, in the unforgiving rubble of love’s lost offerings.
And then there it was…again…his exit. The one that was always open…the exit that he always wanted to take…always chose to take…despite all of his protestations to the contrary. He lit a cigar. He turned up the radio. He steered the big car out of the tunnel of love…out onto exit 11…and sighed without rancor or even sadness. He was going home again.